Still Talking About It

“When will they stop talking about it?” A question that is perhaps thought more often than spoken regarding grieving parents who continue to talk about their children and their sorrow. I’ve only heard it asked a couple of times, but have thought of it countless times since, and this month in particular.

Sarah’s birthday is next week and I am painfully missing her.

We’re in our seventh holiday and birthday season without Sarah. I’m grateful that the familiarity of the long, ever present sorrow of her absence has rendered it far less sharp than the newness of the first seasons without her. Over the past six years we’ve learned effective ways to best navigate many of the challenges of the season, to minimize the incidences and degrees of awkward situations and unnecessary compounding of sorrow.

To those journeying this path behind us, be encouraged that it has “gotten better.”

For many the assumption is that “getting better” means the sorrow and pain of her absence is decreasing. But I am convinced that is a misconception. I don’t believe the sorrow of her absence has lessened.

When I allow myself to truly ponder the reality of her absence it still takes my breath away. Each time I allow my eyes and thoughts to drift to and focus on the many ways she would have filled the now empty spaces in our home and lives, that lamentably familiar wave of staggering sorrow and disbelief comes crashing in with crushing force once again.

But it truly has gotten better.

The misconception is that the sorrow gets better. The sorrow has not gotten better, but our strength to bear up under the sorrow has.

The complete shattering of Sarah’s death and absence has rendered me undeniably aware of my weakness, of my inability, and of my profound needfulness. The purging of my illusions of strength, has allowed Christ’s strength to rush in.

“Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9a [NASB95]

I recently discovered Alexander Maclaren’s use of the phrase “omnipotence of dependence.” Such concise phrasing of a powerful counter-intuitive truth. A three word summation of the hope of Colossians 1:11. It is through my awareness of my complete weakness and inability, and in my urgent dependence upon Him, that I am strengthened with His omnipotence.

“Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness” Colossians 1:11 [KJV]

The God of the universe is graciously offering all of His strength and power, His omnipotence, to us for the purpose of strengthening us to wait upon Him in patience and joyful longsuffering.

The gaping hole of Sarah’s absence in my life is ever-present and unchanged. The crippling sorrow caused by Sarah’s physical death and ongoing absence is my deepest wound, my most tender vulnerability, my greatest weakness.

Yet, it is through my greatest weakness that I most fully experience His great strength. But not only His great strength. It is also through my greatest weakness that I have most fully experienced His compassionate nearness, His longsuffering love, His daily new mercies, and the purest and truest understanding of the inexpressible joy of the Hope He has set before us.

It is through my greatest weakness, the sorrow of my earthly loss of Sarah, that I know and love God more deeply than ever before.

It is impossible for me to adequately testify about Him apart from talking about it. And it would be supremely foolish of me to squander it by not talking about it. It is the setting of my priceless testimony of His love and faithfulness that I am called to wisely steward for His glory.

“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2Co 12:9 NASB95]

Like Paul, I will continue talking about it, boasting about it even, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me, that I may increasingly experience the “omnipotence of dependence.”

I will continue to talk about it to remind others and myself of His never-failing faithfulness. I talk about my weakness and His strength to encourage other weary sojourners traveling painful paths. But also because I’ve learned as I testify to His proven faithfulness in my life, I am reminded afresh of all He has done, and personally spurred to fruitfully press on in perseverance.

“But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is [still] called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Hebrews 3:13 [NASB95]

I’m still talking about it because I’m still experiencing it, and I want to remind myself and others that it and all the other sorrows and weaknesses of this world are temporary. There is a coming day, in just a little while, when all will be made right, and every sin, sorrow and weakness will eventually and finally be done away with.

“Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. FOR YET IN A VERY LITTLE WHILE, HE WHO IS COMING WILL COME, AND WILL NOT DELAY.” Hebrews 10:35-37 [NASB95]

I’m still talking about it because my life is continuing to be transformed by God through it.

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison” 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 [NASB95]

With certainty I will continue to talk about it for the remainder of my earthly days because my Hope is fixed completely on the grace to be brought to me at the revelation of Jesus Christ and I am eagerly waiting with great anticipation for it.

“For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of [the] archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.” 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 [NASB95]

And after that, praise God, as I continue to give thanks to Him I will be singing about it for all of eternity.

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, That [my] soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.” Psalm 30:11-12 [NASB95]

Come, Lord Jesus.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=kRkz4TuRUXE%3Fsi%3Du3XzK-B1NsVeUXO_

Artwork by Sarah Harmening