As I sat by the window in the still of the morning a gust of wind brought a vibrant cascade of orange, red and brown gracefully flowing from the trees beside me. The beauty of the colors and the melodic rustling of the leaves was pleasant to my soul.
The beauty and pleasure of the moment brought with them a flurry of memories. The memories bore witness to the painful sorrow of Sarah’s present absence, and instantly a wave of sorrow crashed over me.
As the unsolicited reel of memories continued to play in my mind’s eye I was reminded of the empty yet often spoken exhortation to “look forward, not back.” Empty advice that fails to understand the source of sorrow.
The sweet memories of the past are not the source of our sorrow. The gaping hole of our loved one’s absence in each present moment is the source of our sorrow.
It is not looking back that staggers me, it is seeing her absence in this present moment that staggers me. Her present absence triggers the present sorrow. Her felt absence in this moment hurts in this moment.
Six years later her absence remains present, and the sorrow of her absence with it. There is no wrong or shame in acknowledging that reality. To the contrary, that reality is used for great good by our omnipotent Redeemer who promises to use everything for our good, even the worst of things.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to [His] purpose.” Romans 8:28 [NASB95]
The painful presence of her absence most powerfully spurs me on to live the remainder of my life fruitfully.
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if [I am] to live [on] in the flesh, this [will mean] fruitful labor for me…” Philippians 1:21-22 [NASB95]
Her absence is a constant reminder that this life is but a vapor. The sorrow stirs my awareness that this is not our home, that we are just sojourners here for a moment. Her present absence continually testifies to the transitory nature of what remains, causing me to press into Christ who faithfully stengthens me to persevere, and filling me with urgency and longing to finish the race well.
“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2 [NASB95]
There is an indescribable joy set before us who love the Lord Jesus Christ, and it’s just over the horizon. I will soon see my Savior face to face, and my sweet Sarah with Him. “In just a little while” He will wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more sorrow. What a glorious day that will soon be!
“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, ‘In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.'” Hebrews 10:36-37 [NIV]
But in the meantime the sorrow of her present absence remains. There is no sin in the sorrow we feel in our loved one’s present absence, and there is no wrongdoing or shame in acknowledging its reality. It’s simply a testimony of our enduring love for them, and our certainty that we will soon see them again.
“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus.” 1Thessalonians 4:13-14 [NASB95]
So let’s purposefully pick up our seed for sowing and persevere in living fruitfully, even as our faces remain streaked with the tears of their present absence. There’s a glorious day just over the horizon before us. May we each continue laboring so fruitfully that a harvest of righteousness follows us there.
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying [his] bag of seed, Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves [with him.]” Psalm 126:5-6 [NASB95]
Come, Lord Jesus.
Artwork: Sarah Harmening
Listening to Him 
This is absolutely TRUE! I love how you transfer the reality of child loss to paper!!!! This so resonates with me!!!!! Love you Karen!
I’m so thankful it resonated with you. Love you, too!
Karen, your words are beautiful and powerful – the absence in the present moment. They spoke to me with truth and depth and love. And, they remind me of our God who walks alongside each of us in this journey. Thank you. William’s Mom
Thank you so much for sharing, that blesses me as well. ❤
Karen, you truly have a gift for expressing such deep emotions with clarity and love. I can’t read this post without tears in my eyes, they are tears of sorrow and longing but also tears of comfort that your words and bible references bring to my soul. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself to help others.
Thank you so much, Cindy. I love and appreciate you and your tender heart toward us and Sarah. ❤
Thank you, Karen. Your post is beautifully written and expresses the reality that every bereaved parent has experienced. But at the proper time, He is coming, in “just a little while” to make ALL things new! The anticipation of His coming and the hope we have in Christ makes the wait more bearable and much less daunting. Wish I was there to give you a hug.❤️
Amen, and thank you. ❤
I love this!!! So perfect worded. I often take offense at those who are constantly telling us to stop looking backwards, to stop living in the past. It’s not the past memories that hurt. It’s their present absence. And looking back at pictures and memories, the past…. That’s the only place we can enjoy them in this life. But…. In a little while…. The best is yet to come. Thank you for sharing your heart. And mine.
Thank you so much, Mechelle. Love you. 💙
AS always a beautiful reading,I love to read your stories. Hope everyone is doing good,hope that your ministry is doing feel.
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Thank you, George.
Thank you for bearing your heart and soul!! These words are beautiful and God honoring, he is my strong refuge! I am missing my Rachel so very much lately and often I’m discouraged by my continued tears BUT the Lord knows and he gives me comfort of love and kindness!! The photos are beautiful and full of joy a reminder that today our girls are in Paradise❤️
Amen, Sharon, so thankful for the comfort of knowing our girls are in paradise together. Love you and praying for you now. And I can’t wait to meet Rachel! 💙
Thank you for writing this. I just lost my Son Woody on 9/24/23 and these words while difficult to read were so comforting.
Oh Diane, I am so very sorry for your very recent loss of Woody. I’m thankful the words brought some comfort, and I am praying for you right now that you will feel God’s promised nearness to you today.
Hi, Karen. I recently shared your blog spot with a friend who has a friend who lost their baby to SIDS not long ago. They have other children, but this little girl was the baby. They are a young family who attend Grace Community Church. If you know of any other helpful resources for grieving and heartbroken parents like yourselves and this young family, please leave me a reply. I continue to read your posts.
Another friend is friends with this family as well, I have been so heartbroken for them since it happened, and have been lifting them up in prayer alongside all you who are walking with them.
The While We’re Waiting retreats are wonderful, and I believe would be a blessing for them when they are ready.
We have a monthly support group that meets the first Thursday of each month, we would love for them to join us anytime. And we’re hosting a special worship service for hurting people 11/28. Please let me know if I can ever help in any other way. ❤
https://whilewerewaiting.org
https://www.mzbc.net/ministries/child-loss
https://www.mzbc.net/ministries/a-night-of-hope
Thank you Karen. I have been so lost since my only son died on July 5, 2021. It’s a very lonely place to be. Your words comforted me this evening.
Lori, I am so very sorry for the pain of your precious son’s absence. I’m thankful you found comfort in the words and I am praying for you right now, that you will feel God’s promised nearness to you, particularly as we move through this holiday season. 💙